Dear Dan…

I know you would absolutely die if you ever read this. I can hear your nervous laugh that would bubble up right when you saw your name in the title. I can see the deep red blush start creeping up your neck and into you cheeks at the thought of someone writing about you. I can picture the huge grin that would spread across your face as you tried to hide your utter discomfort at being the center of attention for more than 10 seconds. I can imagine the gears turning viciously in your mind as you try to figure out why someone would ever spend the majority of their day thinking about you. I know all of this because I know you.

Truth is, you scare the shit out of me.

I’m scared because I remember the first time I ever saw you like it was yesterday. I’m scared because I was fascinated by you before I even knew your name. I’m scared because we only officially met 2 months ago. I’m scared because I feel as though I already know all I’ll ever need to know about you. I’m scared because we’ve only spent 2 or 3 weeks together in the same city. I’m scared because you are charming as hell. I’m scared because you fit my type to a tee. I’m scared because you’re dorkier than me. I’m scared because you pass everything on my checklist with flying colors. I’m scared because you’re such a Godly man. I’m scared because you never fail to put a smile on my face. I’m scared because you’re the only person who can out-pun me. I’m scared because you’re so incredibly talented, driven, and ambitious. I’m scared because I still like you even though you wear flip-flops and nerdy graphic tees. I’m scared because butterflies fill my stomach whenever your name pops up on my phone. I’m scared because your name doesn’t pop up on my phone nearly enough. I’m scared because I never know if you’re talking to me because you want to or because I’m kind of your boss. I’m scared because I talk to others about liking you as if it’s a joke, but I’m actually very emotionally attached to you. I’m scared because I think this is more than just an crush. I’m scared because you’re younger than me. I’m scared because we lost our snapchat streak. I’m scared because I think I was way more bothered about that than you were. I’m scared because I constantly check your social media. I’m scared because I don’t know what I’d do if you ended up not liking me back. I’m scared because I also don’t know what I’d do if you ended up actually liking me back. I’m scared because you seem too good to be true. I’m scared because I really like you. I’m scared because sometimes I think you might like me too. I’m scared because I have hope. I’m scared because I can picture a future together. I’m scared because my fantasies are moving way faster than they should.

I’m scared because probably nothing will happen. I’m scared because you may find this one day. I’m scared because I know the odds are not in my favor when looking at my track record. I’m scared because I have no idea what you’re thinking. I’m scared because I know you can do better than me. I’m scared because I don’t know what the future holds for us. I’m scared because I know I’m probably overanalyzing everything and have built all of this up in my head. I’m scared because your name literally just popped up on my phone just now. I’m scared because I’m about to overanalyze this even more.

But mostly, I’m scared because I don’t deserve you.

You scare the shit out of me.


This Week Was Dumb

This post is not going to be very fluid or have a purpose, but I DESERVE A PAT ON THE BACK. This week was insane – stupidly insane to be honest. Let’s dive in shall we?!

Monday: I had my first one-on-one meeting with the past AUDM VP of Marketing. Talk about an information-overload, but I’m good! I start and almost finish one of my papers that’s due on Friday. Keep reading to see how that goes…

Tuesday: PLOT TWIST. So there’s a bunch of other criteria for this paper that the teacher just decided to not mention in the assignment post. Grand. Have to choose a completely new topic and re-write the paper. Woo-hoo!!!!!! I have my EETV office hours in which I planned to do that paper, but instead I accomplish nothing. 0% shocked. I have an AUDM exec meeting later that night and, again, information overload. We made our calendar of our big events for the year and talked about upcoming interviews for staff positions. It was a lot.

Wednesday: I had to deal with 2 idiot partners for a group project. The assignment was to go to 3 stores and track traffic flow, handicapped accessibility, blah blah blah. Tune in for another post soon about this train wreck because it’s definitely going to be worth the read. Later on The Scoop had a kind of last minute change. Instead of having our weekly sweep panel discuss the latest entertainment news, we had an interview with 2 local musicians. One was even a semi-finalist on America’s Got Talent. Both of them were so awesome and fabulous interviewees. It was pretty thrown together, but overall it went so well. Afterwards, I even talked to them about maybe performing at AUDM main event and they were so about it! Point for Vic!!!! Later on I had chapter where I had to address, seal, and stamp 50 letter for St. Jude because I didn’t have time earlier in the week to do it. Lol I suck.

Thursday: Welp. It’s Thursday and I haven’t done either of the papers that I have due tomorrow. So what do I decide to do? Go to Target with Allison of course. After filling up my cart I check my bank account to realize that I already don’t have money for rent this month. HAHAHAHAH. I still buy everything that was in my cart though, duh. I get home and finally finish that one paper by about 11pm. Then I have a whole other paper to do before tomorrow. I knock that one out in like 30 minutes because I’m a god.

Friday: I have to wake up early because a friend is coming over to try on some of my dresses for semi-formal. She doesn’t have a dress yet and semi is tonight so at least I have my life a little more together than she does I guess. I also have my presentation to give today with my idiot group. Yay. It’s pointless, but we get it over with pretty fast. A quick death. Then I go home and wash my hair for the first time in 3 days and shave my legs for the first time in weeks. I put on eyeliner and completely fail because I’ve forgotten how to use it. I put on my dress, go take pictures with my date and friends, and then head off to semi. It was great by the way!

So I’ve just been really overwhelmed this past week and I am damn proud that I accomplished everything I was supposed to. There were a lot more little things too, but i can’t mention everything. Anyway, way to go Vic. You continue to impress me everyday. I’m not even gonna proof read this – I’m that good. Signing off.