Sooooo after yesterday’s emotional breakdown and existential crisis, I thought today’s post should be much more uplifting! I feel much better today – nothing some therapeutic writing, a good cry, and a long shower couldn’t cure. During my long shower, however, I came up with a fantastic idea!

I’ve decided to use my unusual love-life circumstances for good instead of evil and start a new series called the Not-So Lucky 13! This will be a series in which I write about every guy that I’ve ever pictured myself with or imagined dating. Spoiler alert: there’s 13.

I want to be clear – NONE of these boys were EVER my boyfriend. Just boys that I really liked and considered contenders for my first boyfriend. I’m also changing all of their names – for their privacy and also to protect myself from crippling embarrassment if they were to ever find this. Each boy will have their own post dedicated to them, our story, memories of the time that I liked them or we spent together, what I or they did wrong, why I think it didn’t work out, and a short reflection from me after revisiting these memories. By no means is this going to be a bashing of the guy or anything and keep in mind that all of these posts will be from my point of view, aka extremely one-sided.

I’m hoping to use this experience to help me in the future with my love life (or lack there of) and view my experiences in a different light. I’m tired of thinking of all these boys and only seeing failure, mistakes, and rejection. Instead I want to see them as educational opportunities and, most especially, funny as hell.

I searched high and low yesterday for books about a normal 20-year old girl who has NEVER had luck with guys – no ex-boyfriends and never been kissed. I needed someone to tell me that I’m not some freak, that someone else has had the same experiences, and that everything was going to turn out fine. I found nothing. I somehow felt even more hopeless than before, and I never want any other girl to have that feeling of utter defeat and loneliness again. If this goes really well and I have enough material, who knows, I might even try to get it published. (Probably anonymously because I would die of embarrassment if any of these guys ever saw this and read the inner workings of my psycho, overanalyzing mind.)

I’m really excited about this. I know it’s kind of strange, me [maybe] writing a book, but I think it’ll be one of the most therapeutic and fun things I’ve ever done. I won’t be having a real schedule for these posts, but I’m hoping to post one every week and have this series completed by the end of the summer. So stay tuned for my first post about my first crush! *cringes just thinking about it* There’s gonna be a LOT of embarrassing stories about me in this one so get excited to laugh at my pain.

Signing off. Lata lata to muh lovas and hatas.