Started My Internship Today!

So today was a VERY exciting day because it was the first day of my summer internship at Coca-Cola Studios! I honestly still can’t believe that I was given this amazing opportunity to work with one of the largest and well-known companies in the world for my first internship and today was absolutely surreal. I was super pumped about started, but also a bit nervous of course. I wasn’t so much worried about the actual work I’d be doing at the internship, but mainly the trivial stuff instead – finding the entrance, parking, locating the lobby, trying to remember and navigate all the buildings, wearing the right outfit, etc. I always tend to worry about that stuff way more than I do about the stuff that actually matters. Classic Vic.

Anyway, I got there incredibly early. I was supposed to be there by 9 so I left the house at 7:30. Turns out Atlanta traffic is not nearly as and as I thought it’d be and I arrived by 8. Being the truly awkward person that I am, I just sat in my car and watched YouTube videos until 8:30 because I didn’t want to come off as too eager. Thank God there was an  abundance of signs everywhere so that I could successfully find the elevator to the lobby. I get up there and I have to take a picture for my visitor ID. I smile for the picture, realize I still have my sunglasses on my head, and take them off right when she takes the picture. Thankfully, she retook it. I didn’t know if this would be my ID picture for the whole summer or not so I was extremely grateful for that. It turns out it wasn’t, but still grateful nonetheless. Then I go through the metal detector and then walk into the lounge to wait for Jess to come escort me to the office. When I walk into the lounge, I notice that basically everyone else in there was a young or middle-aged man and this just made me laugh. Here are all these probably-accomplished, professional men in this VIP lounge of the largest beverage company in the world, and then in walks this little twenty-something college student with her Lauren Conrad top and Kate Spade bag. I just felt really accomplished and prestigious at that moment. I don’t usually like to toot my own horn, but I felt pretty bad-ass at the time. After a few minutes, Jess came and picked me up from the lounge and gave me a little tour on the way to our office. Coca-Cola definitely does everything bigger and better than everyone else – that was made quite clear.

Throughout the day, I met all the people I’ll be working with and probably won’t remember half their names tomorrow. I did some small tasks like filing some papers, printing documents, searching for velcro ties in the storage rooms, scouring YouTube for video footage from UWG, and ran some errands around the building when necessary.

Overall, it was a great first day. Tomorrow there’s a shoot with the CFO of Coca-Cola at 8 in the morning. Jess told me not to worry about coming for that, but I insisted that I do. I really kind of want to just jump in and see everything they do. I figure I’ll have to eventually help out with shoots so I’d like to have the opportunity to be a fly on the wall first. I’m also the first intern that’s started so far and I kind of want to take advantage of that and get a head start, make a good impression on everyone. There’s also a bake-off tomorrow in the Studio so I definitely started at the right time.

Anyway, I have to wake up like 5:30 tomorrow morning so I’m gonna go to sleep now. Stay fresh my dudes.

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EXCITING ANNOUNCEMENT!!!

Sooooo after yesterday’s emotional breakdown and existential crisis, I thought today’s post should be much more uplifting! I feel much better today – nothing some therapeutic writing, a good cry, and a long shower couldn’t cure. During my long shower, however, I came up with a fantastic idea!

I’ve decided to use my unusual love-life circumstances for good instead of evil and start a new series called the Not-So Lucky 13! This will be a series in which I write about every guy that I’ve ever pictured myself with or imagined dating. Spoiler alert: there’s 13.

I want to be clear – NONE of these boys were EVER my boyfriend. Just boys that I really liked and considered contenders for my first boyfriend. I’m also changing all of their names – for their privacy and also to protect myself from crippling embarrassment if they were to ever find this. Each boy will have their own post dedicated to them, our story, memories of the time that I liked them or we spent together, what I or they did wrong, why I think it didn’t work out, and a short reflection from me after revisiting these memories. By no means is this going to be a bashing of the guy or anything and keep in mind that all of these posts will be from my point of view, aka extremely one-sided.

I’m hoping to use this experience to help me in the future with my love life (or lack there of) and view my experiences in a different light. I’m tired of thinking of all these boys and only seeing failure, mistakes, and rejection. Instead I want to see them as educational opportunities and, most especially, funny as hell.

I searched high and low yesterday for books about a normal 20-year old girl who has NEVER had luck with guys – no ex-boyfriends and never been kissed. I needed someone to tell me that I’m not some freak, that someone else has had the same experiences, and that everything was going to turn out fine. I found nothing. I somehow felt even more hopeless than before, and I never want any other girl to have that feeling of utter defeat and loneliness again. If this goes really well and I have enough material, who knows, I might even try to get it published. (Probably anonymously because I would die of embarrassment if any of these guys ever saw this and read the inner workings of my psycho, overanalyzing mind.)

I’m really excited about this. I know it’s kind of strange, me [maybe] writing a book, but I think it’ll be one of the most therapeutic and fun things I’ve ever done. I won’t be having a real schedule for these posts, but I’m hoping to post one every week and have this series completed by the end of the summer. So stay tuned for my first post about my first crush! *cringes just thinking about it* There’s gonna be a LOT of embarrassing stories about me in this one so get excited to laugh at my pain.

Signing off. Lata lata to muh lovas and hatas.

It’s Been a Great Week, So Why Am I So Sad?

WARNING: This post will contain emotional thoughts and reveal many crippling insecurities that I push under the surface every day with sarcasm and humor. Enjoy.

This week my brother graduated college. YAY!!!!!!! My whole family got together to attend the ceremony in South Carolina and then we all went to my Grams’ house in North Carolina to spend some rare quality time together for a couple days. I was ecstatic going into this trip. I had finished the semester with four A’s and one B in my classes, I was close to starting an AMAZING internship for the summer, and I was getting to have my whole family in one place at the same time. (Which seldom happens. Maybe once a year if that.) I couldn’t contain my excitement.

So we go to the ceremony, which is great, and then head to NC. Suddenly, I am overcome with sadness. I’m sure my family even notices that I’m not being myself lately. And here’s why.

Everything is kind of hitting me at once right now. Richard is looking for house in SC and he starts his job on Monday. Clayton could only spend one and a half days with us in NC because he and his girlfriend have work on Saturday at the hospital. My mother’s soon-to-be husband is visiting the NC house for the first time, somewhat solidifying his position in the family. All my family talks about with me is my upcoming graduation next year and if my internship this summer could turn into a job after I finish school. I’m incredibly overwhelmed with reality right now and there’s no way to escape it. I constantly feel like I’m about to burst into tears because I don’t know if I can handle the bleakness and inevitability of it all. Just writing this is bringing stress-tears to my eyes.

But there’s one other thing that’s having an even worse effect on me this week.

I am completely surrounded by couples. Richard and Clayton brought their girlfriends up to NC, along with my mother’s boyfriend. We went to lunch today and at the table I looked around and everyone was having conversations with their significant other while I sat in silence and stared at my phone. Constantly refreshing it to reveal absolutely no notifications from anyone. It was enough to break me. There were a bunch of other situations like this during the week, but this is the one that really did me in. My forever-single status is something that I often either joke about or tiptoe around. It is truly my biggest insecurity and one that I have to deal with on a daily basis. Of course I enjoy seeing all of my loved ones happy with another person, but it always brings the thought “Will that ever be me?” racing to the surface of my mind.

I haven’t ever had a boyfriend, or even a first kiss, and I am almost 21 years old. It’s embarrassing. One can’t help but question. What’s wrong with me? Why does no one like me? It’s not as if I haven’t found anyone I liked enough, the feelings are just either never acted upon or never reciprocated. It’s a hard thing to deal with and it’s something that never leaves the forefront of my mind. Even now, there’s a guy I like and I’m almost positive he doesn’t like me in that way at all. I try so hard and I’m rejected. I play it cool and I’m overlooked. The only other option is to give up altogether, but there’d really be no difference in outcome compared to my love life right now. Yes I am an independent, strong woman, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely. (quite often actually) I’m also an introvert which means I enjoy spending time alone, but that quiet time with my own thoughts makes me overanalyze and question absolutely everything. In turn, making every situation somehow worse in my mind.

There’s no solution or happy ending to this post. To be completely honest, I’m tired of being alone. This is a topic I plan to write a lot about later on, but I just needed to put that in here. I have a list of summer reading for single women that will hopefully make me feel better. Who knows, maybe tomorrow I’ll feel fine. But right now I don’t and I don’t know how to deal with it. These are the times when I rely on God to give me peace of mind and hope. Let’s hope it works. xoxo